Pick Your Poison

As a teenager, I certainly made some unusual choices of beverage when it came to the demon drink. I think it all started in the New Year of 88, when a mate and I decided to sample the contents of my parents' Christmas drinks cabinet. After sampling the usual 80s seasonal tipples such as Cinzano and Advocaat we decided to mix some novelty cocktails, I forget the actual recipe (if there ever was one) but I'm pretty sure there was a generous dash of Port, probably followed by Malibu and topped off with a 'healthy' slosh of brandy.

   The brandy was the problem - it went down too well; all too soon the brandy level was heading dangerously near the bottom of the bottle. Not wishing to face the wrath of my Dad when he discovered his favourite nightcap had been necked, we wracked our (sozzled) brains for a solution. Obviously buying a bottle of brandy was beyond our limited funds so what could we do? The answer was simple; add a bit of H20 from the kitchen tap and he'll never know. It would have been better if we'd left it alone - at least dad could have salvaged a miniscule measure of brandy; as it was, he was left with an unusual concotion that resembled the contents of a catheter bag.  Dad was not impressed, there were probably some choice phrases such as 'Little sods, what have they done! and the drinks were removed and well hidden.

   At that age, buying booze became something of an art form. Not flushed with cash, the trick was to look in the off-licence for the beverages that packed a punch in alcohol but were also dirt cheap. Naturally, this combination didn't lend itself to quality and included classics such as Thunderbird (the Rolls Royce of rotgut wine) Old Country Cider (popular tipple at bus stations) and QC 'sherry' (not intended to be quaffed in a pint pot).

   I once stumbled across a bygone relic of Dad's brief flirt with wine making. It was a dusty old bottle at the back of a cupboard and labelled 'Beetroot Port 1976'. Back in the 70s, before all the cheap supermarket plonk, many people dabbled in making home made wine (I think Dad's wine production came to an end after an Elderberry creation exploded amongst the white sheets of the airing cupboard). I'm not sure 76 was a vintage year for Beetroot Port but the bottle was subsequently opened and its 12 year old contents drunk by myself and a mate. I dont know what Oz Clarke would have made of it, but it certainly had an 'interesting' bouquet - Bottoms Up!!